Friday, May 1, 2015

Emerging From My Shell

Imprisoned by my own dark thoughts.
It seems like a tunnel with no exit or light at the end. Like a dark cloud without a silver lining.

I'm holding myself back with regrets of things already passed, and worrying of things yet to occur. I seem to be colouring my life in black and white. To scared to get out of my comfort zone or explore.

I'm living in a shell, and i keep closing it tighter and retreating further.
Trying to keep pain and sorrow out.
I'm trying so hard to protect myself,
i havnt realised i have actually trapped myself.

Now I've become so comfortable in my shell, that i don't want to leave it.
I want to remin clamped between its musty walls, wallowing in my thoughts, wandering along its narrow passages aimlessly. It's become the place i call home, everything else seems foreign to me.

I need to start chipping away at these walls before they close in and suffocate me.
I need to get out and start living life.

But I've bee in this shell so long that the real world scares me now. I dont know if i can fit in anymore. I'll feel alien, out of place, like i don't belong.
Thats how i always feel, and i end up crawling back into my shell and i don't emerge again for days or weeks sometimes even months.

I always wonder what i need to do to fit in.
I've been trying so hard to be like everyone else, trying to imitate others, trying to hard to be someone I'm not. Only now do I realise i don't have to fit in, I don't WANT to fit in.

I just want to be happy with myself.
And as long as i do those things that are pleasing to Allah what people say doesn't matter.

Now that i have acknowledged this fact maybe I'll finally be able to rid myself of this shell.
I have to leave it behind along with all my grief sorrows and fears, and i have to stop my tears.

I have to emerge a different person.
I have to stop trying to please people and strive to please Allah alone.
I have to stop relying on people and rely only on Allah.
Because Allah never leaves me or lets me down.

Now that i have realised this, i can come out of my musty shell, and i don't ever have to return.
As long as i follow these few simple rules in my life i will remain happy and content not matter what trials i face or what life throws at me, i will remain strong.

Its time to add some colour to my life.
Its time to emerge from my shell!

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