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Toxic Temptations

I'm trying to stay away from every temptation.

I'm trying to quiet my Nafs.

But the whisperings won't stop.

Its driving me insane,
Its pushing me towards actions I am trying so hard to abstain from.

My heart has turned black from all of these sins that i have committed, its become hard and unfeeling.

Its been seduced by the world and its toxic pleasures.

I need to wash away the darkness with light.

I havto obliterate this evil that has taken root in my heart and I have to return it to its original pure state.

My haraam desires shriek, telling me to fulfil them just one more time.

And i am so close to giving in and committing the same mistakes.

I'm so weak, I cannot control myself.

I find myself wanting to slip back into this pit of sweet venom.

Oh what harm can it do, one day i will repent and become righteous,

One day when i am older.

This is the lie i keep telling myself.

And its working, i am deceiving myself, and i am repeatedly falling into Shaytans trap.

Even though it only gives me a sense of temporary bliss, i keep breathing in the fumes of evil, even though it is slowly suffocating me.

The thought of death flashes through my head, i see my grave closing in on me.

And only now reality dawns on me, i realise that i might not live to see tomorrow, Death knows no age.

What will happen if it finds me while i am indulging in these acts that have been forbidden.

I shake in fear.

I hastily reach out and i try to pull myself out of this hole.

But i find myself shackled and unable to escape.

I can see the light but i am unable to reach it.

Tears stream down my cheeks.
And my heart races in fear of what's going to happen to me.

I am Determined not to give up.

I lift my bound hands to the heavens , and i cry out with sincerity.

I beg Allah to free me from this prison i have created.

I beg Him to remove from me all the evil i have ingested.

I beg Him to place his noor into my blackened miserable heart.

I beg Him for his forgiveness for the countless times i have blatantly Disobeyd his commands.

When i lower my hands i am no longer bounds, my shackles have been unlocked.

This hole i am in begins to crumble and bright light filters through,

I find myself truly happy for the first time.

Slowly I am freeing myself of this dunya and its temptations

I am distancing myself from Shaytan and his evil whispers.

All praise is due to Allah!
Who has ignited this flame in my heart.

This flame of his love and of the love of Nabi ﷺ.

I pray that this flame never dies.
I pray that it grows with each passing day until it consumes me completely.

I no longer care what people say or think about me.

I no longer feel the need to please them.

They can call me what they wish.

They can think of me what they wish.

All i care about is the opinion of My Allah.

All i care about is attaining his pleasure.
All i care about is earning Jannah.

But you prefer the worldy life.
While the hereafter is better and more enduring.
 (Surah Al A'la : Verse 16 & 17)


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